Monday, 22 November 2010

musings


my room has mould growing in the corner and it doesn’t feel like home anymore. i want everything to go back to normal but even normal doesn’t feel enough. everything is so empty. my phone keeps buzzing but it is never who i want it to be. i have no motivation to get out of bed. i sit and smoke multiple cigarettes and eat pear drops but i stopped tasting them a long time ago. just a distraction. i listen to my ipod on shuffle and a song comes on that i don’t want to hear but i listen to it anyway. i watch films in bed and it reminds me of the last time i watched films in bed. everything is sticky with memories and i want to take the pictures down from my wall but they are my favourite pictures. i ride my bike but the wind cuts my face and i can't help but think how much nicer it would be with you there. i want to be proactive and create beautiful things but i can't remember how. i've forgotten how to be content. i get a drunk text message at 2.47am and it hurts because i know it is just that; a drunk text message. i am sick of waiting and sick of feeling like half a person.

12 comments:

  1. Sometimes inspiration can come from things that hurt you the most. Use your grieves to make something beautiful to paint over the bad things that are happening.
    You take beautiful photos and i think this can only make you a better artist :)
    Stay up.

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  2. I wish I could express my feeling as beautifully as you do here. I hope things get easier for you and you find the beauty in life again soon.

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  3. I agree with above, I wish I could explain my feelings like you do. The pictures nice too :)

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  4. Beautifull post! I’m new on blogger and your blog is awesome!! If you want to follow me I’ll follow you back :D xoxo http://martinathesolarflare.blogspot.com

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  5. Hi There- I just discovered your blog, and you take wonderful pictures. Please take heart knowing that this kind of heartbreak happens to (almost) everyone, and that it's just part of living, even if it feels more like dying. As someone who went it at your age as well, I can tell you without a doubt that you will feel better. It will just take a little time. The only other advice I can offer is- DON"T SLEEP WITH HIM AGAIN. Take Care and keep taking pictures.- M. M.

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  6. I featured you in my favourite blogs post, hope that's okay :)

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  7. I'm sorry to hear your spirits are in the low. Try to change your perspective and see his.

    Your website is a treat on the eyes, thank you.

    -Shi

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  8. oh so sorry to hear that. hope you feel better soon

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  9. I know this feeling.
    And I also know that the last thing you wanna hear is advice from others.
    You just don't care.
    I shouldn't say that you're blog and your pictures are beautiful right now.Not an appropriate moment.
    But I really wanna say it.Cause I truly believe it.
    And who knows,it may make you smile.
    Or not.
    C:

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  10. i feel like half a person right now too. your words let me know i'm not alone. thanks :)

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  11. I lived the same feelings, but with time all wounds disappear themselves. Just time and will.
    So : courage.

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