my room has mould growing in the corner and it doesn’t feel like home anymore. i want everything to go back to normal but even normal doesn’t feel enough. everything is so empty. my phone keeps buzzing but it is never who i want it to be. i have no motivation to get out of bed. i sit and smoke multiple cigarettes and eat pear drops but i stopped tasting them a long time ago. just a distraction. i listen to my ipod on shuffle and a song comes on that i don’t want to hear but i listen to it anyway. i watch films in bed and it reminds me of the last time i watched films in bed. everything is sticky with memories and i want to take the pictures down from my wall but they are my favourite pictures. i ride my bike but the wind cuts my face and i can't help but think how much nicer it would be with you there. i want to be proactive and create beautiful things but i can't remember how. i've forgotten how to be content. i get a drunk text message at 2.47am and it hurts because i know it is just that; a drunk text message. i am sick of waiting and sick of feeling like half a person.