i'm so tired of feeling horrible and fucking things up and being told that i'm on a downwards spiral for drinking a cup of coffee. i just want to move out and live with friends and september couldn't come sooner. this is meant to be the happiest time of my life and love is meant to be this big great thing that makes everything amazing and it was for a while and now it's fucked up my life and i wish i'd never met him. if you don't know what it feels like to be very happy then you will never miss it. i was never unhappy before, but all of a sudden i am now. and i like to joke about selling his clothes on ebay (which i will probably do because i need money) but really i just want someone to come over my house and cook for me and look after me and do my projects for my course because i'm failing and i've never failed anything before and i'm really scared. i don't know what i want any more and i'm meant to be making these big decisions about my life but really i don't have a clue and i probably won't get in to the unis i want to go to and i will end up working in mcdonalds (not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just not what i want to do with my life) or taking portraits of jeremy kyle or something really weird like that. maybe that will be nice. someone do my work for me please.